I Can't Love You You Don't Exist
by alittlebird16
Summary: When Toshiro recieves a mission to the human world he revists an old friend. What will happen when Near finds out his true love is something he refuses to believe in? WARNING! Spoilers for Bleach and Death Note and yaoi/shonen ai/whatever.
1. Chapter 1

I Can't Love You – You Don't Exist

Captain of the 10th Division Tōshirō Hitsugaya

Head of the S.P.K. and L's Successor Nate (Near) River

A/N: Hey guys! Here is a story that I have actually had in my mind since the summer. I promise that Uncle Werewolf will be updated soon! It is all up here *taps forehead*. I just have to write it down, fine tune it, and volia! But this needed to be written. ;) Enjoy and don't forget to review!

* * *

"Shinigami?" Near turned away from the computer in disbelief. "What were you thinking L?" he murmured to himself. "Commander Rester," he asked, addressing the man. "Do you believe in ghosts?" The commander was slightly taken aback at the question. This was unlike Near's usual cool logic towards everything.

"Well, I'm not sure," he replied. "I've never seen one. But that doesn't necessarily mean anything," he added.

"Hmm…seeing is believing, as it were, commander?" The man nodded.

"Although, sometimes, the most real things in the world are the things we can't see." Near cocked his head to the side curiously at this.

"Care to explain further?" he asked.

"W-well," the commander stuttered, he seemed a bit flustered. "I suppose things like…like…" He cast about in his mind for something to say. "Love," he finally said.

"Love," Near questioned, amused. Commander Rester blushed.

"Haven't you ever been in love?"Rester asked, curious about his usually introspective leader. Near chuckled.

"I know I may act like a child sometimes, but I assure you I am an adult." Commander Rester waited. Near sighed. "Fine, if you must know. I did love someone once. But it was a long time ago." And from the expression on his face Rester could tell the conversation was over. Confirming this Near turned back to his computer. To Rester he appeared hard at work though he was anything but. Thoughts chased each other around his head like buzzing bees. One name formed a background to thoughts of passion, of stolen kisses and soft white hair. Tōshirō…

* * *

"A mission to the human world?" Tōshirō frowned. "Does it have to be today? Right now?"

"Yes! Yes it does taichou!" Rangiku was bouncing up and down in her excitement. She loved any excuse to go to the human world. Tōshirō didn't see why it had to be right now though. It was almost one o'clock in soul society and he had a big pile of his own paperwork to do as well as Rangiku's since she never seemed to be able to work. "Come on, taichou, it'll be fun," she pleaded.

"Seeing as it is a mission from the Central 46, I doubt it'll be fun, but fine," he sighed.

"Yay!" Rangiku squealed. "I'm going to pack!" Tōshirō watched her run excitedly out of the building and across the square. He looked back at his pile of paperwork and tried to resume working, but the flurry of thoughts in his brain made it impossible. A single name, a single person held center stage in his mind. A person with nimble fingers and a shock of white hair. Near…

* * *

A/N: So there it is! Comments please! I wouldn't even mind it if you flamed me! I just like feedback! Oh and there is a prize involved if you are the first one who can find the Tom Hanks quote and tell me what movie it is from. It shall be a good prize, I promise. I do requests, if you like my writing style enough for that. If not, no problem, something else can be worked out. Please review and I really hoped you enjoyed it! Updates soon!


	2. Chapter 2

I Can't Love You – You Don't Exist

Captain of the 10th Division Tōshirō Hitsugaya

Head of the S.P.K. and L's successor Nate (Near) River

A/N: Hey guys again! Sorry it has been so long between updates. I've been so busy with school you have no idea. Plus marching band as well, but I love that, best part of my life. LoL, but I'm gonna update two chapters for you today! Hope you enjoy and keep reviewing! Thanks to those of you that did, it really means a lot. Happy reading!

Warning! Same as before, shonen-ai/yaoi and spoilers for both series

* * *

Near was stacking dice into an elaborate fortress, deep in thought. He told himself he was thinking about the Kira case but unless Kira was a certain teal-eyed man he wasn't being completely honest with himself. "Commander Rester," Near said, "Please see if you can contact Mello." Rester complied, setting up the necessary scrambling codes. Near was calling Mello partly to distract himself (Mello always did get so angry at the slightest things) and partly to get a better lead then these so called "Shinigami." Really, what was L thinking?

"Near," Rester called. "I've reached him."

"Good," Near said. "Mello?" he addressed the screen, blank white with an archaic M in the middle.

"Whaddya want Near?" Mello snapped. Near smiled, this was the exact reaction he'd expected Mello to have.

"Temper…," he reminded him coolly. Mello told him exactly what he thought of "temper." Near was silent. There was an angry sigh.

"What do you want Near?" Mello forced out through gritted teeth.

"I was wondering if you had any new leads in the Kira case."

"And what makes you think I would tell you if I did?"

"So I'll take that as a 'no.'" There was silence on Mello's end. Near could tell he was dangerously close to his boiling point. He didn't know why he was goading him like this; Mello just got angry so easily. Plus, it took his mind off a certain man…

"Go to Hell, Near," Mello's voice came back, the fury clear in it. "I'm father on this case then you're ever gonna be. And I'm gonna win."

"Really?" Near asked quietly.

"God! Yes, Near! Really!" Mello exploded. "That's what I said the first time! Jesus Near, I don't have time for this, get on with it already." Near had been ready to end this bizarre conversation with him, but Mello's outburst had given him an idea.

"I do have one more question for you," he said. "Do you believe in ghosts?" There was a pause.

"What?" Mello asked, seemingly surprised at the question. "What does that mean? Are you ragging on my faith again Near? If you are, I sear I'll—"

"Mello," Near interrupted. "I'm not, as you put it, 'ragging on your faith.' I am simply asking a question."

"What makes you think I'm gonna answer it?"

"Please, Mello, just hear me out," Near gave an exasperated sigh. There was silence. Near took that as consent. "So," he began, "I take it you received the same files from L that I did."

"Yes…," Mello said. "What about them?"

"Well, to start, have you read them?"

"Of course," Mello said defensively so Near knew he hadn't.

"Okay then I assume you read the part about how L thinks there are shinigami involved in this?" There was a beat of silence before Mello burst into laughter.

"Hahaha, shinigami? Really? Hahaha." Near wasn't quite sure what to say to this. This wasn't the reaction he'd expected from Mello. Though to be honest he wasn't sure what he expected. Mello's laughter had died down. "Oh," he said. "This is why you asked me about the ghosts, isn't it? Aww, is poor wittle Near all ascared with the ghosties and shinigamis running around?" Mello began laughing again.

"Shut up, Mello," Near said, coolly. Mello was still laughing as he hung up.

* * *

"Well, we're here," Tōshirō said, glancing around them. Right now "here" was New York City, Central Park to be exact, and "them" was Tōshirō and Rangiku of course but also accompanying them were Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji, and Rukia.

"It's beautiful here," said Yumichika. Ikkaku rolled his eyes at his life-long friend.

"Where to next chief?" Renji addressed Tōshirō, who didn't reply. He was staring around him, not paying attention in the slightest to the conversation. Rangiku called hi name repeatedly but it wasn't until Renji burst in with, "Hey! Short stuff!" that he snapped to. He glared icily at Renji. "What?" he asked. "It was the only way we could get your attention. What were you thinking about so hard? Are we lost already?"

"No, of course we're not lost." Tōshirō snapped, avoiding the other question.

"Then where are we, taichou?" Rukia asked. "And where do we need to go?"

"Well right now," Tōshirō began, "we are in Central Park in New York City and we need to go—"He broke off suddenly and whipped his head around, sensing a sudden spike in spiritual pressure. The rest of the group froze and turned to face the same direction.

"What is it, taichou?" Renji asked all business now. Tōshirō wrinkled his brow in confusion. "I felt…" he hesitated. "But it's gone now…" He looked over at Rangiku to see her face stricken in panic. "You felt it too right?" he confirmed. Slowly, she nodded.

"But why…why would he come here? Why would he follow us?"

"I don't know," Tōshirō admitted, groaning in frustration. There could be devastating consequences if this man decided to stay.

"Would you two speak English please?" Ikkaku finally burst out. "What's going on? _Who_ is here?"

"No one," Tōshirō said abruptly as Rangiku opened her mouth to speak. She shot him a curious look and he shook his head at her slightly. "I thought I felt a familiar spiritual pressure, but it was nothing. Just a random spike."

"Was Rangiku imagining things too?" Renji asked a slight suspicion clear in his voice. Rangiku opened her mouth, hesitated.

"Yes," she finally said. "I…I was imagining things too." There was silence for a moment.

"Right," Tōshirō said, "Now, we need to…"

Far across town, Ichimaru Gin laughed to himself, his ever present smile growing in his mirth. "This is gonna be almost as much fun as tourturin' ma 'Zuru…"

* * *

A/N: Hehehe, I love cliffies! Hope you guys liked it and if you did please please please leave a review! They mean so much! Next chapter will be posted soon! Love, IbelongWithTheCullens 3 :D *


	3. Chapter 3

I Can't Love You – You Don't Exist

Captain of the 10th Division Tōshirō Hitsugaya

Head of the S.P.K. and L's successor Nate (Near) River

A/N: Sorry it's been so long between updates! It took forever to get this flashback right. Gods. But I am sorry, please enjoy! My writing style has changed a little, so please review!

A/N#2: Thanks to 4everbrisingr for posting these for me! She is wonderful and excellent!

Dedication: To Mello, Happy Birthday! We miss your craziness!

Warning: Same as before: shonen-ai/yaoi and spoilers for both series.

* * *

Near was still fuming over his conversation with Mello when Commander Rester poked his head into the room. "It's time to retire for the night, Near. Are you ready to head back to the hotel?"

"Yes," Near sighed. He hadn't gotten as much work done that day as he would have liked between Mello's teasing and thoughts about Tōshirō. Near suppressed a groan. It seemed that since that man entered his thoughts again, he wouldn't leave. The commute back to the hotel was a quiet one, Rester could tell Near had a lot on his mind. Once in their suite, Near retired to his rooms with only a mumbled goodnight to Rester. He changed into pajamas and climbed into bed, but he could tell sleep would be a long time coming. Giving in, Near let his thoughts drift to Tōshirō, something he had been trying to avoid all day. But here, in bed, with his defenses down, it was hard to keep control of his thoughts. Rather, they had control of him. His mind went back over those years, the stolen moments, the nights the spent together…Near drifted off to sleep with a small smile on his face.

* * *

Tōshirō was sitting on the roof of the home they had found to live in for the next few weeks while they sorted out the situation. The humans who normally inhabited this house were away on vacation somewhere and wouldn't be back for a long time. Everyone else – Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji, Rukia, and Rangiku – were all downstairs laughing and chatting while cooking diner. He had stayed down there for a while, but the happy atmosphere had become too much for him. Coming back to this place raised a lot of old memories. So Tōshirō had escaped to the roof, trying to clear his head and retain his icy focus. No one noticed him leave, but if they had, they would've chalked it up to his normal introspective behavior. No one knew his secret, the real reason he kept up his icy sheen. The only person who knew was – "Gin," Tōshirō spoke suddenly. A chuckle answered him from a dark corner.

"Ne, Hitsugaya-taichou, you guessed right. How'd ya know I was here? I thought I was hidin' my spiritual pressure rather well."

"Ah, but I was expecting you Ichimaru-taichou, and seeing as it is impossible for anyone to completely hide their spiritual pressure (A/N: except Ichigo! ), I would've picked up on the slightest pulse." Gin smirked as he walked out of the shadows to meet him.

"Well, ain't we just a super special lil' guy," he said. Tōshirō turned his icy gaze on him and spoke in a voice just as cold.

"What do you want Gin?"

"Tut-tut," Gin waggled his finger at him. "I'd be nicer ta the one person who knows your secret if I was you. Do ya 'member dat afternoon, 'Shiro? That was fun that was…"

_Izuru Kira walked into the headquarters of the tenth division with a message to deliver from his own taichou. Knocking on the door of the main office, he heard Rangiku's voice bid him enter. Walking inside he was greeted by her. "Well, hello, Kira-san. What can I do for you today?" Kira blushed at the familiar way she addressed him. _

"_Matsumoto-fukutaichou! I…ah, I have a message for Histsugaya-taichou from Ichimaru-taichou. Is he, is he here?"_

"_Yep!" Rangiku said brightly. "Go on back!" Kira bowed and made to move into the other room. "Oh, and Kira-san?" He turned back towards her. "There's no need to be so formal with me. We've known each other for a while now." Kira blushed again and walked quickly back into the other room. The young Captain of the 10__th__ Division looked up as he entered. _

"_Yes?" he asked. _

"_Message for you from Ichimaru-taichou." Kira stated holding out the sealed missive. "I am to wait for a reply," he continued as Tōshirō broke open the letter. Nodding absently to him, Tōshirō quickly scanned the brief note, surprise flashing once in his eyes before he reassumed his trademark icy demeanor. He rolled the message back up and slipped it into his sleeve. _

"_Send my regards to your captain, Kira-fukutaichou, but tell him I shall have to decline his offer," he declared as he walked back to his desk. "You are free to go," he added as he sensed the lieutenant hesitating in the doorway. _

"_Um, well, a-actually, Histsugaya-taichou, I-I'm not supposed to take no as an answer," he said his voice trailing away to be barely audible at the end. Tōshirō looked at the flustered man and sighed. _

"_Fine!" he snapped. "Tell him I'll be there later!" _

_Kira bowed and with a mumbled, "Yes, Hitsugaya-taichou," he fled from the room. Tōshirō gave another angry sigh as he sat down behind his desk, wondering why on earth that fox-faced bastard (sorry gin fans!) wanted to have tea with him. _

_Later…_

_Tōshirō straightened his captain's haori as he waited for Gin to answer his knock. He still didn't understand the point of this little tea-time that Gin had orchestrated. Then the door opened and the man himself was there, his ever present smile firmly in place. "Greetings, Shiro-chan, won't ya come in?" Tōshirō let waves of angry spiritual pressure roll off him as he stalked past Gin into the room. _

_"Thank you, Ichimaru-taichou," he said pointedly. _

_"Aw, there's no need to be so formal, Shiro-chan," Gin replied as he followed the younger captain into the room. "After all, it's just us." _

_"Yes, but unlike some people, I actually follow the rules."_

_"Aw, ya wouldn't happen ta be talkin' 'bout me would ya Shiro-chan? Ya know I always follow the rules." Tōshirō sighed and rolled his eyes. _

_"Was there a particular reason why you invited me here, Ichimaru-taichou?" Gin just smiled at him and gestured to the chair in front of his desk. Tōshirō raised an eyebrow at him but Gin had already disappeared into another room. In a moment, he returned, carrying a large tray containing a gleaming silver tea set. He set it atop his desk; completely disregarding the paperwork piled there and began to bustle about, fixing the tea. Tōshirō was surprised. Wasn't it sort of…feminine…to have a tea set? But then again, he wasn't one to question Ichimaru's motives. No one did, not unless they wanted the full force of that creepy smile turned on them. _

_"Sugar, Shiro-chan?" Gin asked pleasantly. Tōshirō glared at him._

_"No, thank you, Ichimaru-taichou," he replied in a last-ditch effort to correct Gin's speaking habits. _

_When he received no reply except the question of "Cream?" he decided to drop the matter for now and move on to finding out the real reason for why he was here. _

_"What is it that you wanted to talk to me about, Ichimaru-taichou?" Tōshirō asked as he took the steaming cup of tea from his fellow captain. _

_"Drink up," was Gin's cryptic reply, his creepy smile still on his face. Tōshirō raised an eyebrow at him but obligingly took a sip of the tea. As soon as it washed over his tongue, he began to feel strange. His body felt oddly light as if he could float away, right out the window. He also felt oddly happy, as if he didn't have a care in the world. "Are ya feeling alright, Shiro-chan?" Gin asked a knowing gleam in his eyes. Tōshirō turned slowly to look at him, a dazed and faraway look in his eyes. Gin chuckled evilly. "Excellent," he said, "its working. But, just to test…What's your name?" he asked the white-haired boy in front of him. _

_"Tōshirō Histsugaya," he replies in a curiously monotone voice. For some reason this pleased Gin to no end and he had to control his laughter to force out his next question. _

_"And tell me, Shiro-chan, what is your biggest secret?" Tōshirō seemed to sigh and then, with a deep breath, he began to tell the story of a strange, white-haired boy named Near._


	4. Chapter 4

I Can't Love You – You Don't Exist

Captain of the 10th Division Tōshirō Hitsugaya

Head of the S.P.K. and L's successor Nate (Near) River

A/N: Wow, this took a really long time to write. I apologize! Warning for a lemon later in this chapter, so if you don't want to read, you can skip that part. I'll put like bars there or something. So…Oh! Dedicated to 4everbrisingr because she is my best friend in the entire world and now it is her turn to write her flashback! ;) love you dear! On to the story!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or Death Note, sadly. Too bad, then all the awesome characters could be real (i.e. Shinji, Aizen, L, Light…)

* * *

_"I met him while I was still human," Tōshirō began, his voice still with that strange monotone quality due to the effects of Gin's poison. "I was 18, living on my own for the first time in my life. I was renting a flat in London since I was heading off to Oxford for college in a few weeks and I was enjoying my last few days of freedom. I had taken a train out to the country to get some fresh air. London gets unbelievably hot and stuffy during the summer months. It had rained a few days prior and the landscape was lush and cool, a welcome change. I was walking along one of the dirt tracks that lead away from the train station, alone mostly except for the occasional car. This wasn't surprising; there wasn't much out here besides the occasional farmhouse. There was also an orphanage tucked quite a far ways back off the road. It was a very secretive place and not many people came or went. I felt sorry for the kids, it seemed like no one came looking for adoptees very often._

_I came upon this orphanage as I was walking along and I stopped at the gate for a moment, gazing at the place. It was a simple building. White, built similarly to a Victorian house with three floors. The grounds were wide and obviously well cared for. The driveway led around to the back of the house where I assumed a garage to be. It appeared to be deserted, but I knew that couldn't be true. It was an orphanage, there had to be kids somewhere, right?_

_As I was thinking this, I heard a rustling noise in the bushes that lined the fence along the inside. "Hello?" I called out tentatively. I didn't know if it was an animal or a human, but I was wary of both. I was a shy person, I didn't relate easily to other people and I wasn't sure how to deal with it if it was one of the children I assumed populated this place._

_I received no answer to my question, only continued rustling. "Hello!" I called again, more forcefully this time. "Is anyone there?" I added. The rustling grew louder, seeming to come towards me from the left. I stood on my tiptoes to try and peer through the bars of the fence to no avail. I started to get angry now. "Come on!" I shouted. "Who's there?"_

_All of a sudden, something popped out of the bushes right in front of my face. "Augh!"I yelped, startled and stepping back a pace. As I slowed my heart, I saw that it was a person. A boy to be exact, about the same age as I. His hair was the same color as mine-white-and his face was pale beneath that mop. His clothes were light colored as well, overall giving him the appearance of a ghost. "What was the meaning of that?"I asked, still a little angry he had managed to surprise me like that._

_"You're Tōshirō Hitsugaya," he stated in a voice as colorless as his appearance, his dark eyes carefully watching, waiting for my reaction. _

_I narrowed my eyes at him. "How did you know that?" I managed to keep the surprise out of my voice. But really, who was this kid? He didn't answer. "Fine, then. What's your name?" I asked, wanting to gain some leverage in this conversation that was going nowhere. _

_There was a pause as he carefully scrutinized my face. Then, apparently deciding he could trust me, "Near," he stated._

_I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Near? That's a pretty strange name, if you ask me."_

_"I didn't."_

_The way he said it, so serious, caused me to burst out laughing. He looked at me for a moment, and then answered with a small smile of his own. Swallowing the last of my giggles, I said, "You're all right, Near." _

_"You're not bad yourself Hitsugaya," he countered. We smiled at each other. I happened to glance down at my watch then, discovering it was much later than I had realized. _

_"I have to get going!" I exclaimed. "I'm going to miss my train!" I stuck my arm through the bars. "Nice to meet you, Near," I said, shaking his hand. _

_"The pleasure was mine," he said and I detected a bit of warmth in his voice, the first emotion I had heard from him. We had stopped shaking his hands but our fingers will still clasped together and for a moment we just looked at each other._

_Then, "I, ah, I have to go," I stammered and pulled my hand away, giving a little wave as I hurried back along the road. I felt his eyes on my back as I walked away and had to resist the urge to turn around and continue talking to this interesting young man._

* * *

_After that, I went back almost every day. I would wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, and then catch the ten o'clock train out into the country. I usually arrived there around eleven or a little later and he would be there waiting for me, on the other side of the fence. We grew closer as the days flew by, talking about everything from ourselves to current world issues. I learned he was into detective work, he discovered I was going to study to become a doctor. We both liked cold weather and couldn't wait for this heat to be over. As the days passed, I even managed to get a few laughs out of him here or there and get him to show more emotion. On those occasions I felt extremely proud of myself and he would glare and stick out his tongue and we would be in laughter all over again. _

_I learned of his fascination with toys. He was quite the collector, though sill a child at heart. _

_I never found out what he was doing in the orphanage. Every time I broached the subject, he never gave a clear answer or just changed the subject all together. _

_We formed a close friendship over those few weeks, but all too soon it came to an end._

_"I have to go back to school tomorrow," I told him on my last day of vacation. I sighed. These weeks had gone by too fast for me; I didn't want them to end. _

_Near didn't say anything, just reached his arm through the bars to tousle my hair. I scowled and he laughed. "You should be excited, not sad," he told me. "Now you can go on to become a doctor like you wanted."_

_"I know, I know," I said irritably. "But I won't get to come visit you as much." Near frowned. "That's why," I continued before I could think better of it, "I want you to come out with me tonight." He just stared at me, probably surprised at the unexpectedness of my question. It had always been an unspoken agreement with us that we each stayed on our side of the fence. _

_When he still didn't say anything, I rushed to fill the awkward silence. "Well, if you're worried about getting in trouble I promise to have you back before you're missed or anything. Or we don't have to; it was just a thought-."_

_"Tōshirō Hitsugaya," he cut me off, wonder in his voice. "Are you asking me out on a date?" _

_"I-I…"I stammered, blushing. Curse my pale complexion! "Uh, y-yes?" I said, unsure of what exactly it was that I was doing. _

_A smile broke across him face, perhaps the only genuine one I had ever seen on him. "I accept," he said._

_"Really?" I asked. I couldn't help it; a smile of my own answered his. _

_"Yes," he said, scrambling up to his feet. "Let's go."I looked around, and sure enough, the golden afternoon was fading into evening. Near walked over the gate, picked the lock with ease, and then joined me on the other side for the first time, locking the gate behind him. _

_"Impressive," I commented. He gave a little shrug. Without thinking about it I took his hand, and loving the feel of his cool fingers in mind, dragged him along the path. "Come on," I said, "I'm going to take you to the best restaurant in London." _

* * *

_We arrived at the train station just as the 4:40 train pulled in. I bought us tickets and we hurried to find seats. I think we were exhilarated at being truly together for the first time in our short but intense relationship. I remembered a lot of smiling and laughing and wide-eyed looks. Perhaps more on my part than Near's but I could tell he was excited too._

_We got off the train in the main part of London, the streets bustling with nightlife. "Wow," Near whistled, looking around._

_"Haven't you ever been to the city before?" I asked._

_"Once or twice, not much," he answered._

_"Well, come on then. I'm starved." I took his hand again and we threaded our way through the crowds of people until we arrived at our destination. "Ta-da!" I said with a flourish, gesturing to the nondescript building behind me. The only distinguishing feature was a small sign proclaiming it to be Hereford Road. "This is my favorite restaurant in London," I told Near. "They have excellent food, and great wine."_

_"I trust you," Near said simply. And we went inside and were seated at a booth in an out of the way corner. The atmosphere inside the restaurant was very relaxing with soft lighting and dark furnishings. I leaned back against the seat, content. I smiled at Near. "So?"I asked. _

_"I can see why it's your favorite," he smiled at me. "It's very you." The waiter came back then with wine for the two of us and we ordered. As we waited for our food we sipped our wine and talked much like we had been doing for the last few weeks but without a fence to separate us. The thought was exhilarating to me and at one point I reached across the table and clasped Near's hand in my own, our fingers intertwining. He stopped talking for a moment and stared down at our hands, then smiled shyly at me. I blushed. I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing. Our relationship had never been even remotely romantic but this evening seemed more and more like a date._

_The rest of dinner passed quickly. We talked, ate, laughed, and drank more wine than was good for either of us. We stumbled out of the restaurant, leaning on each other and laughing. "Come on," I said. "We're drunk. Let's go back to my place for a bit to cool down. They'll kick us off the train like this." Near agreed and we walked the distance to my flat. We arrived and I unlocked the door, leading the both of us up the stairs. Near tripped on one of the steps and this struck us both as hilarious. "Shh," I tried to shush him between laughter. "My flat mates might get mad." Near nodded and place his finger on his lips, causing me to snicker again. I rented the third floor of the building and while normally my neighbors were cordial I could imagine they wouldn't be if we started making lots of noise late at night._

_We entered my flat and hung up our coats. We sat together on the couch, barely touching. We were silent for a while, listening to the sounds of the night, each other breathing. I was thinking about going back to school tomorrow and how I would miss my daily visits with Near. I don't know what he was thinking about and I never got the chance to ask. _

_I have no explanation for what I did next. I still don't. All I know is that I did it and it felt right to me and the alcohol had no part in it. I was 99% sure it would've happened even if we weren't drunk. _

_I placed my hand on Near's knee and turned to face him. "Tōshirō—mmpf." Whatever he was about to say was cut off as I pressed my lips to his in a kiss. He was still for a moment and then responded to the kiss. I broke away. "I'm sorry," I said. "I don't-."_

_"Don't be," he cut me off. "I'm not complaining." He smiled at me. "You can do it again, if you want," he added, blushing slightly. _

_I stared at him for a moment. Then I leaned down and brought my lips to his again. This time his hands reached up to tangle them in my hair and pulled me down on top of him. _

_I pulled away and laughed. "Come on," I said, getting up. "Let's go to the bedroom." _

_Near stared at me and something, a shield, seemed to fall away in his eyes and silently he took my hand and allowed me to lead him into the bedroom._

* * *

_We fell on the bed tangled together. Our hands were everywhere at once and our mouths were glued together. It was passionate yes, but not simply sex. There was romance there and love too._

_I pulled Near's t-shirt over his head and lightly tossed it in the corner of the room. I bent down and kissed the hollow between his collar bones, eliciting a moan from him. I kissed a trail down to his belly button and back up, loving the reaction I was getting out of him. _

_His hands wandered down from tangling my hair to my lower back, tracing patterns on my skin that made me shiver. Then it was his turn to pull off my t-shirt. He ran his hand down my stomach to the waistband of my pants, causing me to shudder with pleasure. As he made to undo my zipper, I caught his hands and stopped them. He threw me a questioning glance. "I don't want to rush things," I whispered against the sensitive skin of his stomach. _

_"All right," he groaned out, lifting his hips to mine._

_I chuckled. "Impatient, are we?"_

_"Shut it, Hitsugaya," he returned. I hummed in pleasure, seeing his cheeks flush with both arousal and annoyance. I continued my ministrations on his bare skin, getting more delicious noises out of him._

_"You are exquisite, Near," I murmured against his hips. He bucked against me again and I chuckled, but drew back. I figured I had dragged this out long enough, and I was uncomfortably aroused as well and wanted release. I quickly slid Near's pants off along with his boxers so that he was completely naked before me. I kissed his lips. "I love you, Near," I told him. He smiled but didn't look surprised. I think we both knew it all along; this was just the first time we had ever admitted it out loud. _

_"I love you too, Tōshirō," he whispered back. _

_I smiled. "Are you ready?" I asked, and I saw in his eyes that he was._

_"This may hurt a bit," I whispered in his ear as I trailed kissed down his jaw line to distract him from the stretching my fingers were doing to him. He whimpered a little but quickly got used to the sensation. Once he was ready, I prepared myself and positioned myself at his entrance. I realized things were moving quickly now, much faster than I had wanted them too, but we both wanted this._

_Before I entered him I leaned down to kiss him again. "I love you Near," I told him again and then I entered him, slowly at first, not sure what his reaction would be. He yelped at first and I stopped, giving him time to adjust. After a few moments he began rocking his hips against me, causing me to moan loudly._

_"M-move, please, Tōshirō!" he said._

_I didn't need any more encouragement. I entered him all the way, loving the feeling of being inside him. I set up a rhythm that had us both crying out with pleasure. I knew when I found his sweet spot because he cried out "Again!"_

_I kept up my pace, reaching around him to stroke his own length in time with our rhythm. He groaned at this new sensation and his wanton sounds soon sent me over the edge and I climaxed inside him. He came soon after and we both collapsed, sweaty and exhausted, on the bed._

_Near snuggled into my arms and placed a kiss on my cheek. "I love you," he told me._

_"Love you, too," I sighed._

_And we both drifted into a peaceful sleep._

* * *

_We woke up the next morning and, realizing how late it was, ran around like crazy people, throwing on clothes and shoes and rushing out the door the catch the earliest train so that Near wouldn't be missed at the orphanage. _

_We leaned against each other, yawning, on the train. "Mmm, I don't want to go to class today," I sighed._

_He laughed. "You have to, silly. It's your own fault for staying up so late."_

_"Really?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow at him._

_"Yes, it is," he said. We had arrived at the orphanage's gate by this time and Near slipped quietly back in._

_"I'll see you after class all right?" I told him. He nodded. "I love you."_

_"Love you, too," he said. "Now go before you miss your train!" I laughed and waved, already excited at the prospect of seeing him again that afternoon. _

_We both know that never happened."_

_Tōshirō stopped talking and Gin could see that was the end of the story, no matter how many questions he had. He brought a fresh cup of tea to his fellow captain. "Drink up, Shiro-chan," he said, his creepy grin still in place. The taichou did as he was told and as the liquid washed down his throat he came out of his trance. Blinking and looking around, there was a dazed look in his eyes that quickly changed to one of horror as the events of the afternoon came flooding back to him. For that was the beauty of Gin's poison: the person remembered everything afterwards. _

_"Gin!" Tōshirō yelled. "You…you…" evidently he couldn't think of a good insult so he just sat there, gaping at Gin. _

_Gin smirked. "Don't worry, Shiro-chan. Yer secret's safe with me." He winked at the shorter man. _

_"I swear on Hyourinmaru, Gin, if word of this gets out…" Tōshirō trailed off._

_"I said don't worry," Gin assured him. "I value my life too much to do anything."_

My threat still holds true today, Ichimaru," Tōshirō reminded him once he was done remembering.

"Oh, I know dat, silly," Gin told him. "I just wanted to know what you were gonna do since yer back here after all these years."

"I'm dead to him, Gin" Tōshirō reminded him. "I died in a car crash all those years ago. He's probably moved on now. After all, it's been five years to the day."

"Alright, Shiro-chan," Gin said. "Just remember who holds the cards." And, with a creepy smile for Tōshirō, Gin shun-poed away.

Tōshirō sighed, alone again, but this time not happy about it.

* * *

Near was sitting in the cemetery in front of a headstone with a familiar name. He had gotten Rester to drive him there that morning and then sent him to check on things at headquarters, insisting he was fine on his own. "Happy Anniversary, Tōshirō," he said to the tombstone.

"Happy Anniversary to you too, Near."

* * *

A/N: Muahahahahaha! Yes, cliffhanger. At least until I get more reviews. Well not really, but reviews would be nice. I'm actually kinda proud of my plausible back story for these two. Ok, semi-plausible? Come on, we don't know much about Tōshirō's past so he could've been and English doctor if he really wanted to! Ha-ha, is Oxford even a good school for doctors? I have no idea really. I didn't do any research for this. Other than look up a restaurant name and Hereford Road is a really good restaurant in London, so there! Also, we don't know much about what Near, or any of the kids did at Wammy's House so if Near wanted to sit by the gate and people watch then he could've! So there! All right, I'll stop ranting. Reviews would make me happy, because I'm not sure how this chapter turned out in some parts. Like the lemon. So tell me what you think! And you can tell me if you think this back story is plausible or not! Love, IBelongWithTheCullens


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